About Me

Info for First Timers

FAQ

1. Who are you talking about? I have no idea who these people are!
If you haven't figured it out already, my blog is best READ IN ORDER. But don't despair; thanks to a combination of my attention span and the fact that I do have to actually work once in a while, all entries are short. If you can't can’t hang, you can skip to my first two postings (about me & about everyone else), where I explain who everyone is. (I have also pasted them below)

2. One day you blog, the next day you don’t - what's the deal?
a. Some days I have too much work to do, other days I have nothing interesting to say, and once in awhile I just have the fuck-its. In general you can count on me to post a minimum of 10 times a month. If you want to be sure not to miss anything the best thing to do is subscribe. That way every new post is going to hit your inbox.

3. What the fuck is an RSI feed?
a. I have no idea. As far as I know, it's just another way to subscribe to my blog. I copy stuff from the smarter kids. There, are you happy?

4. I think you're funny, but I don't want to marry you or anything why the hell should I subscribe?
a. Relax, subscription is no big wup - on a commitment scale it's neck and neck with getting a punch card at the coffee Bean. If you subscribe it gives me a better idea of how many regular readers I have - which will help me if I ever want to do stuff like sell ads - or brag to my friends.

5. It’s obvious that you have no idea how to punctuate. Perhaps writing is best left to the literate. What an idiot!
a. Um; was that a question?

6. Why should I care?
a. Oh my god that's what I was going to say!

__________________________________________

About Me or Why Should I Care?

How do you properly introduce a blog? I guess I’ll just tell you a little bit about myself and then get on with it right?

Me: Career Girl

1. I live in NYC – but came from (fled) the Midwest, which is probably why I’m always fighting my natural urge to wear overly-matchy clothing and say “Dang it!”
2. I’ve been working at XXX for 4 months. We design and manufacture a certain crucial fashion accessory (I can’t say more). Initially I was promised an entry-level job on the design floor but then a VP’s daughter (who interned here last summer) came back, so she got priority. That’s how I became Claire’s Executive Assistant. The money is ok but the work makes me realize I could have taken way more drugs in college. I’m busy but it’s mindless. The first real position that opens up is mine - so I’m just biding my time and trying to be a good girl – but I do want to stab everyone in the eyes with a fork. I swear I was not always this hateful. Being underemployed can really do that to a girl.
3. This blog will be about my experiences at work. It should help me cut down on the actual stabbing if not the thoughts and fantasies of stabbing.
4. Forgive me if I’m extra-vague about details – we’ve all learned a little something from Dooce right?

Why should you care?

This is the question I always have about blogs – so forgive me if I don’t completely sell you. A big part of my brain is screaming, “Actually, you shouldn’t!” Does anyone start a blog for reasons other than extreme self-centeredness and a need to bitch that far exceeds her friend’s willingness to pretend-listen?

ps: I have an aversion to commas. For that I am sorry.

__________________________________________

About Everyone Else

Here’s the thing, if I’m going to do this on a regular basis it’ll be a huge pain in the ass if I have to stop all the time and explain who everyone is. Especially since my universe is so small and most of the time I’m talking about the same seven people over and over. So I’ve created a key – like the one you might find in say a restaurant guide where you flip to the back and it turns out that $$ means appetizers start at $50. So here it is - for your perusal whenever you find yourself asking, “Who the fuck is she talking about now?”

Claire: My Boss

1. Gives no direction – only negative feedback.
2. Complicated food needs (but pretends not to care about her weight)
3. I will admit that she’s a very glamorous dresser.

Naomi: Office Sycophant

1. Never – and I mean NEVER says no to Claire. Completely shameless ass kisser.
2. Wears totally inappropriate items in an effort to show Claire that she’s hip and edgy but always gets it dead wrong. Example: once rocked a red leather blazer, the likes of which has never been seen outside of Southfork.
3. Cannot have a real moment with me – there’s no breaking through the corporate bullshit speak.

Ali: My Best Work Friend

1. Was recently made director of her department (five floors away-other side of our behemoth building)
2. She is very modely and chic – but she comes from a white trash family, which is probably why I don’t hate her.
3. Taught me everything I know about sample sales. Plus she is SO funny.

Mr. Copeland: Claire’s boss
1. Super dashing
2. The only person I’ve ever seen make Claire nervous
3. Always covered in the society pages.

Perfect Caroline:
1. I call her perfect Caroline because honestly, everything about her is perfect, which is something that I find personally revolting. I know. Shut up. I already go to therapy.

Barry: Claire’s Husband
1. Finds reasons to stop by the office all the time (when does he work?)
2. He’s supposedly a powerful banker-something, but a total wuss at home.
3. Clearly not getting any from Claire.

Kelly: The IT Guy

1. Does it matter that I have no idea what IT stands for? I know what they do (sort of).
2. Has a Flying V tattoo that he gave himself – which he is really proud of.
3. Since I met him I’m hyper aware of every piece of incriminating email I have ever written or received at the office.